Marvie's Crochet Corner

Conflicted

Mornin folks =) Are you loving this nice weather as much as I am? I haven't checked the national picture lately, but it sure is damned nice here! It's been perfect =) Temps in the low 80's low humidity, I can wear shorts or pants and be comfy either way.... seriously perfect weather =)

My emotional forecast is not looking so good though. I'm having some concerns, I'm worried, stressed, nervous... I don't know if staying here is such a good thing anymore. At first I was positive it would work out for the best for the boy school wise, make it so much easier for house hunting which will be happening before we know it, etc. etc. etc. But the past week or so, maybe a touch longer, I have been experiencing doubts. Hubby tried to ask me before we made the decision if I was sure, what about little things getting on my (or their) nerves etc. and I answered that it'd been over a month already and everything was just fine, no issues at all. That was true then. But things are changing.

The boy is having a very hard time dealing with sibling life, he and the 7 yr old girl are at each other constantly. He has always gotten along so well with younger kids, I just don't get this attitude they have towards each other. He's been in trouble (teeny trouble, not big stuff) more in the two months or so we've been here than he'd been in for a year back home. He's hating that. He's doing mostly ok with the boy (who is his age and been best friends for most of their life) and sharing a room and all that entails though. He's totally loving his new bike and all the tricks he's learning from the other boys etc. but in general I sense he's very much unhappy.

I am having issues of my own as well. My biggest concern is that my friend and her hubby are going through some rough stuff right now and I feel like having us here isn't helping the situation. They both tell me no, it's fine, please don't feel like that.... but I can't help it. I didn't feel like we were in the way at first, but the past few weeks I have been feeling that more and more each day. It's nothing they've said or anything, not even by action have they indicated this... it's just my feeling. Frankly, if I were dealing with they stuff they are dealing with I wouldn't want/need extra people in my house. I wouldn't kick them out if they were there, but I know it'd create more stress in an already stressful situation. The kid thing isn't helping either lol.

So I'm really starting to think it's time for us to go. I'm waiting to talk to hubby when he gets home from work in an hour or so so I can explain what all is going on to him and see what his thoughts on it are. I miss him terribly too, more and more every day of course and I have all along... but seeing what they are going through is really making me miss him even more. I need a hug, I need him to hold me, I need him.

I also need to talk to my friend in VA because if we're going to leave here and head home to my hubby, I'll probably need to make a detour there while I wait to get on a flight. Getting home right now will be tough, probably tougher than getting out of Germany was. Funds are low now so I can't afford a hotel for days and days while we try every day to get a flight, keeping us fed on fast food and all the other stuff we went through to get out. It can be done, it just needs to be planned right and timed right.

I am really thinking that the sooner the better though. School starts there the 28th, which is just 5 days after it starts here. So I am totally going to fubar my plan of not having to move him more than once (part of why I wanted to put him in here was that it's one of the best schools in the country, and he could stay here while I travel to handle moving stuff etc) so leaving here now will put him through a lot more stress over these next months. He'll end up missing some time while we get back over there, I'll have to figure out what to do about house hunting when that time comes, and he'll probably miss days when we actually move. I was so hoping to avoid that, I don't think he can afford to miss much if any instruction this year. 7th grade isn't as easy as the lower grades, he needs all the time he can get in class now.

So I am conflicted. But I feel in my gut that leaving here is the best thing to do. I have a lot to figure out. And I need to get off here and make a few phone calls now. I've got a bike to deal with too if we're leaving.

*sigh*

posted by Marvie at 9:58 AM