Marvie's Crochet Corner

Strength...

There is a discussion going on over at C'ville that got me thinking, it's probably because of last night's poem exercise, the discussion is about What makes people strong? and I wanted to talk about it but I knew I'd ramble on too much for a post there so here I am ;)

I tend to agree with what the others have said, it's getting through rough times, it's coping with adversity, a positive attitude, and having some sort of support system.

I have been through a lot in my life. Alcoholic parents, loosing my parents at a young age, a step mother who did wonders for my self esteem and confidence (sarcasm there) being on my own at 16, having three babies in three and a half years and only one in my life now, and many other hardships and trials. My first 25 years were not easy ones that's for sure. I almost gave up a couple of times, but somehow always found the strength to go on. How?

Pure stubbornness I think. Some call it determination. Whatever word you use, I got through. I didn't do it alone. There were folks through the years that gave me a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, a home to live in, advice, etc. Without those people I might not have made it though all of that and come out as the person I am today. I'd probably have made it through somehow, simply bc of my stubborn streak, but I do not think I'd be who I am today without their influence.

Over the years I have mostly rebuilt my self confidence, I have learned that I am not the worthless piece of crap some folks thought I was. I never was but for a time I believed I was. Some days I still struggle with the self confidence issues. Mostly I do pretty well. That confidence comes from success, from making it through tough times. I can tell myself "Well you made it through that, you can surely make it through this"

Head talk makes a big difference I found. Back when I reenforced what other people said, I made it true. Or made myself believe it anyway. When I told myself my life sucked, it did. When I sat down one day and made the concious decision to be more positive, and started turning that head talk around... my whole life seemed to change overnight. I became more confident, I had a much easier time getting through the tough times that came. Not that those times were any less tough, just that I felt more capable of getting through them and coming out even stronger. And I have.

I am a strong, capable woman. I am intelligent, resourseful and willing to learn. When I run up against something I don't know how to deal with (the kiddo's actions this past year for example) I dig until I find the answers I need. I ask for help (that's still hard to do though!) when I know I can't do it on my own. I lean on my hubby when I need support, I lean on my wonderful friends (real life ones as well as you guys) for advice, an ear and praise.

I've also learned to take criticism better. I have to remind myself sometimes that it isn't a personal attack, it's something to learn from. I'm gettin' there though =)

So, what makes a person strong? I think for each person the answer is a little different. For me, it is a willingness to learn from ones mistakes, stubborness, positive head talk, a good support system, not being around people who might undo the work I've accomplished with myself (so I surround myself with people who are good for me, if they aren't good for me I don't let them into my life, simple as that)

My final thought, I think that by going through those tough times you are better able to appreciate the good times. I know it is for me anyway.

posted by Marvie at 5:10 AM