Marvie's Crochet Corner

ouchie

I have a hell of a hangover. Wish I could say I had fun gettin it lol. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. It started out bad, I was pissy bc hubby didn't go to our parenting class, which I was under the impression from the begining that we'd do together. He didn't miss it for work related reasons, he just didn't get his ass out of bed. He never told me he had the day off either. So I went to class alone, and pissed, and crampy.

I got home and he knew before I said a word... or maybe because I wasn't sayin' a word, that I was mad. So we talked and I told him how I felt etc. He asked what I wanted, I told him participation, support, maybe a semblance of caring about things. He promised to attend the classes and therapy, asked me to email him the dates of the class, etc.

A bit later when he asked what I wanted for dinner I replied, Steak and salad, so we ended up going to the store because I wanted spinach salad, we bought steaks, garlic bread, shrimp and some side stuff but the damn store didn't have any spinach. Got home, hubby blended me a pitcher of strawberry daqueris and he made dinner. Well the very first glass started hitting me lol. That was ok. We ate, watched a couple of movies (the first one made me cry, shoulda been my first clue) hubby made a second pitcher sometime around movie number two.

Well after the movie my tongue was loosened up quite a bit so I started talking about all the stuff I hadn't said earlier, I really let it all out. I started out ok, talking but not accusing, keeping it calm etc. By the end I was bawling and talking about how my wedding ring doesn't fit and hasn't in forever and that I'd rather have a ring that fit than a laptop or a steak dinner because those things dont tell the world that I am a married woman, and that I really need that. Especially when fatass guys come into my house and hit on me right in front of my husband. (k the story to that is that this guy hubby knows from work came over a while back and I kept getting weird vibes from him. It was the first time I'd met him and he was all touchyfeely and flirting and shit. I dont mind that sort of thing from guys I know and trust, my best friend's hubbys hug me all the time and say slightly flirtatious things and it doesn't bother me bc I know them and know they are happy in their marriages and that it's just fun... but I dont know this dude and he creeped me out. I told hubby about it that night and he's pretty much kept the guy away since then) So anyway, I used that as an example of when I would have liked to have had the armor of a wedding ring on my finger.

There towards the end I was so emotional I probably wasn't making a lot of sense, but hubby took it all and let me get it out. Then I realized it was nearly 3 am and he had to work in just a few hours, so I shut up so he could go to bed. Now, here's where my next problem comes in.

I went outside to smoke (because I so needed it right then) and when I came back inside he'd already gone to bed. Sitting on my laptop was HIS wedding ring. So here I am, drunk, emotional, been feeling all day like he is showing no interest in the kid or my efforts to try to improve things around here etc. I didn't get a hug or an I love you at all after my crying fit, and then I see his ring sitting there like that, with no explaination at all. So, yup, you guessed it.... I bawled some more. I even went outside and sat down on the hill so I could sob and talk to myself without anyone hearing. In the wet grass at 3 am with a buzz, sobbing my fool head off.

Finally I came back inside, took a hot bath, left a note with his ring beside his wallet asking him why he'd put the ring on my laptop and what was he trying to say. Then I went to bed. Now, understand that since the heat has arrived, my bed has become the couch. It's beneath our only ceiling fan, in a room where all the windows are open and so therefor much much cooler than the oven we call a bedroom. Hubby wont open the window in there, the fan doesn't do a damn bit of good, it just blows hot stuffy air around, and he radiates heat like a walking furnace, sleeps under the covers even when it's 90 degrees and then sweats like crazy. I can't sleep in an oven set on 350 lol. Hubby knows and seems to understand that. I do make conjugal visits and I try to sleep in there sometimes when I can open the window early in the day to cool the room off, but then he shuts the damn thing so by 2 am it's hot again and I end up moving.

So I woke up this morning, hung over, swollen eyes, a bit of depression left and the first thing I did was see if he's responded to my question about the ring. I dont know why I thought he would, but he didn't. So now I have to spend the day wondering wtf it means. Was he telling me his ring doesn't fit him anymore either? Was he telling me he doesn't want to wear his ring anymore even if it does fit? Was it left there as an offering for me to wear (too big for anything but my thumb, which is what it was originally bought for lol) hell if I know.

What I do know is that drinking is not worth the pain the day after. I dont often get hangovers, partly bc I dont often drink enough to earn them. My head is pounding, my eyes are puffy and red, I have cotton mouth that no water or coffee is touching and I have no V-8 or tomato juice (which I learned as a late teen is an excellent cure for hangover mouth) and the advil I took upon waking is not touching the pounding head. And now it's time to play teacher *grimace, groan* kiddo is deciding whether he wants to do Latin or Math. MommyTeacher is going to assign indpendant work no matter what the choice is lol. Guess I better get to it though.

Have a beter day than me *g*

posted by Marvie at 2:01 AM