Marvie's Crochet Corner

Guest Blogger

Hello, my name is Goofball. Mommy has decided that I need a hobby, it seems I give the impression I am "bored" or "restless" or that I "need something to do" so she has agreed to allow me to be an occasional guest writer on her blog.

I don't know why she thinks I am bored, restless or that I need something to do. I find LOTS to do every day. I nap (well of course, I AM a kitty after all) and I stalk the other cats, I also have serious aspirations of becoming an Olympic High Jumper.

I practice daily, bounding off door frames, walls, the occasional human. I can only jump as high as mommy's head though, so it will be a while before I can participate in the Olympics. I hear those guys can jump 7 or 8 feet! I haven't even broken five feet yet, but I will! I pledge to practice diligently, every day, as long as it takes.

My practicing seems to bother the humans. I don't know why. You would think they would be amazed and astounded by my agility and grace! But all I hear about are "claw marks on the walls" and "Damn cat, you scared the piss out of me!" (this one is said most often when I am doing night time practice runs. Sheesh! They are supposed to say "Awesome jump Goof!" or "That's higher than yesterday!" *grumbles*

My other great skill is also much underappreciated. That skill is of course Stalking and Preying (upon the other cats) Daddy gets very upset by this skill. He's been known to CHASE me, stomp his FEET at me, even THROW THINGS at me when I am Stalking and Preying! Accompanied by much vocalization of things that I am certain are inappropriate for this medium.

Frankly, none of my skills or activities are appreciated. Most especially seems to be Screen Scaling. I am VERY good at this, I can get all the way to the top of the window screens in .05 seconds... .10 when the window is only propped open rather than swung open. This engenders much of that vocalization I spoke of before. Also, it often seems to encourage objects to fly through the air towards me.

Curtain Climbing is also not appreciated. Mom dispairs of ever being able to have what she refers to as "nice curtains" because of the skill with which I can climb.

Rug Tossin' (a hillbilly art for sure, but fun nonetheless) doesn't get me in *quite* as much trouble. I do hear grumbles (and cursing if stumbled upon in the dark) often, but it's not usually violent like the responses to my other activities.

Egg Chasing (those plastic Easter eggs the humans buy for thier human kittens) is an acceptable activity it seems, this one gets laughter and the humans will even get up off their lazy rear ends and fetch them out from under furniture for me if I call plaintively enough. This gets boring after only a few moments though.

They also don't much care for Gravity Experiments. This is *educational*, come on now, how can you not appreciate this one? What? You don't know what gravity experiments are you say? Well, let me explain it to you. This is where one gets up on a high place.... a coutertop, shelf or something of that nature and proceeds to bat things off. The fun is in guessing how long it will take the object to hit the floor. Do heavier objects fall more quickly? What makes the coolest sound when it hits? Will the humans be able to find it tomorrow? Oh, and once the object has hit the floor, it is of course fair game for kitty to play with. We just can't resist bat-batting things around on the floor you know. Boy does Daddy get angry when he can't find something that he swears he left "Right there on the (counter/desk/other flat surface I can reach)

Racetrack is also not a much loved sport in this house. Racetrack is when I race round n round like those Nascar dudes. Is it MY fault they arranged the furniture in such a manner as to provide me with the perfect oval on which to run my laps? I do like to mix it up now and then by racing down the short hall, across the bed, around the bedroom and back to the official track. This portion of the event is really fun in the dark.... but the humans (once again!) don't agree. Most of the time they will yell loudly, get up and shut the door. After rudely pitching my delicate body through said door.

Listen, if these other cats (lazy fat things that they are) would ever PLAY with me, some of these activities might not be so necessary. But as you can see from the photo above (which Mommy kindly took just before allowing me to make this entry) I am a svelte kity with a perfect figure (I am a track and field kitty you know) and it takes WORK to maintain it. Not that those fatbutts would know anything about that. I've tried, oh how I have tried to get them moving and playing. All they do is hiss and growl though. Very rudely I might add. I just don't know what I am going to do about them....

Well, I need a nap now. It's almost dark and soon I will have to do my evening workout. This will require much energy so I really need to rest and replenish my stores now.

It's been wonderful meeting you all. I hope Mommy lets me come back soon!

posted by Marvie at 11:37 AM